As per last night at GQ, I, your lovable Gil-Monster, was knighted Minister
Of Professional Wrestling by our the Great Grand Timekeeper himself, Mike
Dailor.

Thus, I take responsibility to train the budding Incrementalist army in the
glorious arts of combat. Timekeepers and Incrementalists alike, here are the
basics from your new Combat Manifesto:

- Whenever you punch someone, stomp your foot.

- For those of you skilled in Martial Arts, forget everything you know. For
all warriors of the Incrementalist Army, "martial arts" is now considered
waving your arms, making a "HAHHH!" noise, and then punching while stomping
your foot.

- Perfect your "signature punch," which is to follow not less than two but
no more than five standard punches with coordinating foot-stomps. The
signature punch is similar to the new and improved martial arts in that one
must perform a motion before punching while stomping their foot. This motion
is to channel all your great chronological might into the force of your
blow. Those dancers among you are encouraged to implement some of your dance
steps in the signature punch. For example, your glorious Minister Of
Professional Wrestling himself might attack an opponent with three standard
punches, then head-bang and wave gnarled hands before delivering the final
crushing blow. Fear not; it is on the honor of your opponent to stand there
and refrain from any form of defense.

- The weapons of the Incrementalist Army shall include but not be limited to
steel folding chairs, garbage cans, thumbtacks, two-by-fours, ladders, and
tables. Which reminds me, I must have a word with our Lone Wolf. Snipers are
perfectly acceptable in the Combat Manifesto (it falls under "outside
interference") but I certainly hope they will be sending chairs out of book
depositories as opposed to bullets.

- All warriors of the Incrementalist Army shall devise a "finishing move"
with an appropriate name. Goths might enjoy Tombstone Piledrivers and
Crucifix Bombs. Industrial fans might crush their foes with the "Societal
Collapse." You are merely limited by your imagination, though duplication is
strongly discouraged; history has proven that fights will break out over
whose Tombstone is more effective.

- Lastly, everyone work on your catchphrases.

Stomp those feet everyone!